Post-Abortion Counseling and Chemical Dependency Counseling

Abortion: Feelings: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” (Ps 22:10-11) The workshop has brought forward many aspects to me about abortion. Everything I know about abortion makes me shudder. It is the killing of someone, a human being with potential in life. The images I have seen of aborted fetuses completely disgust me: limbs, body-parts in a pool of blood. As other forms of killing and murder are abhorrent to human life and the rights and values of the person, so is abortion. It is an act with very grave moral and spiritual consequences. It is even hard for me to ponder the arguments of those who are in favor of abortion. I have such a deep respect for life as a gift of God, life as I enjoy it, as a positive good, I find it very hard to hear anyone justify the taking of a human life, even, and perhaps even more so, because the life is at its beginning defenseless. Although it is women who seek an abortion, there is always a man who has been part of the conception of the new life. And that man through lust, irresponsibility or deception shares some role in the circumstances that lead to an abortion.

At the same time I recognize that someone who has had an abortion is someone who has lived through great stress, perhaps confusion and with divided values. Perhaps this person did not hold abortion as a good thing but considered it the only solution she could find to a very difficult personal situation, having a child. This person, after the abortion, may be suffering from an intense grief and sense of loss. This is a person who needs compassion, not condemnation. My feelings are of revulsion to the act and all the people involved, doctors, activists, counselors, ideologist who argue for the ultimate right of a woman to decide (make the choice to kill); but I can still have a deep compassion for the women who have decided, in a determined way or just as a desperate way out, to have an abortion.

Priestly responses: As a priest in a confessional mode or in a counseling role, I would try to bring the compassionate and forgiving love of Christ to this person.  At the same time I would try to reaffirm the gravity of the moral act, the long tradition of the church to avoid this evil and at the same time, confirm the sacredness of life that as believers we cherish as from the hands of God the Creator. Some very good things can come to a person who is open to find God even after this sin.

My Experiences: The cultural practices of the United States and the legal guidelines (Roe vs Wade) have created an immoral way of life where abortion is permitted, even affirmed and celebrated. There are films and television programs which present abortion as the right thing to do. It is not uncommon in my experience to encounter people who are very pro-abortion and will argue for it. In my past experience, I have met women who have had one abortion or several and have experienced grief, a sense of loss, and moral shame. In my African culture of origin abortion is very rare or non existent. We welcome many children. I feel I will have to be very calm and make special effort to pastorally accompany people who have had an abortion. There can be the time when the shame and grief have been appropriated and forgiveness has been accepted to reaffirm the blessings of life and sexual ethics. It is a time to be clear about the values the Church holds and at the same moment be compassionate and offer support to the person who is deeply wounded but turning to God in her need.

Chemical Dependency: Feeling: The workshop led me to understand that alcoholism and chemical dependence are complicated and involved personal and social matters. It effects not only the person addicted but that person’s family, the spouse, the children and many other people, the extended family, friends and people at the work place. I feel addiction is a long series of bad habits which is not easy to change. It will probably take just as long to recover from dependence as it took to get addicted. And it is not just a matter of will power; it is chemical dependence of the body as well as the choices we make. In fact highly addicted people are not able to make free choices any longer; they are trapped. I learned there are many stages in becoming dependent, from a first awareness to blackouts to loss of confidence and finally to loss of family and health. A person becomes completely broken down.  Further there is often a lot of denial and rationalization before any conscious affirmation of the problem takes place. So, there are a lot of lies and unconscious deception. And this is part of its evil; chemical addiction destroys the health of the body and corrupts the soul.

Priestly responses:  First, again the response is the compassion of Christ. Here is a very broken and wounded person. These persons cannot really help themselves any more, but they have to be agents in their own recovery. The pattern of the 12 step-program in AA is helpful here. I would encourage one step at a time and patience to grow slowly towards the truth of the situation. I encourage openness to the power of God. A person cannot grow to greater self-discipline and later recovery without some tough love and step by step detachment. The support of prayer and the sacraments cannot be the total response. A priest can only do so much and other professional support people are needed. Some alcoholic and chemical dependent people need hospitalization and medical support to dry out and make a new start. But the innocent victims of addicts need assistance and support. They suffer through all this and cannot change the situation. Whole families need treatment to recover from the wounds. I can see this area of ministry will be a regular part of priestly ministry but some priests will become specialized in this.

My Experiences: With the grace of God I have not been addicted to alcohol or drugs myself. But I have seen signs of partial addiction in friends, yes even priest friends. I have experienced the bother of the addictive personality who his argumentative, rigid and self-centered. In my African culture I have seen intoxication sometimes from herbal products. And we have all seen with pity the broken-down people on the streets, enchained in their addictions and often begging for money from the public basically to support their habit. I know chemical dependency is an affliction in the lives of many, rich and poor, and a social disability. Again, this is an important area of ministry.

Willie